Yesterday evening, returning home from Safeway, I subconsciously opened my phone and scrolled through my twitter feed. I stopped immediately when I saw the most striking image of four beautiful black people who I know and respect in Baltimore. 

The caption read:

“I tell younger politicians, especially black ones -- you don’t get the breaks that anyone else gets,” says Council President Scott. “When you step into your job, you have to be 10 times better than anyone else because the system is set up for you not to be there.”

Immediately, I raised my eyebrows because this is my kind of conversation. 

I was born and raised in Sandtown-Winchester, a West Baltimore community that is widely discussed but often misunderstood. I’m a product of the Baltimore City School System, I graduated from Western High School and I attended the historic national treasure that is “Morgan State University.” 

I was mentored by Vivian Ryan, April Ryan’s mother (who I pretty much drove crazy). The last 13 years of my career, I was the youngest and only black female executive in Baltimore with the responsibility of marketing the city (pre- and post- 2015 Uprising). My husband is from Northeast, a former Baltimore City School Teacher, and a nationally acclaimed stand-up comedian who (with an all-Black-led production team) filmed the first stand-up comedy special in Baltimore.

So, yes, “Racial Equality in Baltimore” is a topic in which I am invested. But, as I continued reading, I was hit with an uneasiness in the pit of my stomach. My mind began to race and it was obvious that I was in my feelings. 

“13 Black Leaders Share Their Vision For Racial Equality in Baltimore”, I read aloud slowly. 

I flipped through the pages to see the faces of amazing Baltimore champions, and each person deserved to be there…and many of them I consider my close colleagues and friends. But, where was I? 

Yup, you heard me. My ego had come to pay a visit. 

People tell themselves that they don’t have an ego.

People tell themselves that what others think of them doesn’t matter. 

People tell themselves that another person's success does not diminish their own.

People tell themselves that as long as you’re doing what you love, you should not long for reward, acknowledgement or credit.

I call bullshit!

What people tell themselves and what they believe are two different actions, and the sooner we’re able to own this truth, the easier it will be to dismiss toxic thinking.

Growing up, my father, who is a world renowned philosopher (in my head), often spoke to me about ego and its traps. He was very serious about the conversation, as if he were preparing me for war.  

Dionne, ego means “self”. Yes, you should have a healthy self-esteem and understand your self-importance, but when you overexert your ego, and allow it to push you into fear and thoughts of scarcity, the EGO’s got you in its trap.

As I became older, I would later read things like...

“The egocentric mindset grasps and clings to what appears pleasurable and tries to push away that which is unpleasant, frightening and foreign. It operates on social categories such as right and wrong, good and bad. But, these categories aren’t based on our core being, but on a constructed self-identity that comes from trying to take what we see as “the best” from the social world around us and use it to label ourselves in distinction from others.” -- Kurt Roggendorf, Ph. D.

In layman's terms, until we’re able to look within ourselves, own our shit, and deflate our self-perception, our ego will create distorted realities and allow us to rationalize circumstances of exclusion, callousness and supremacy, while (at the same damn time) internalizing shame, guilt, and worthlessness. 

Do any of those traits seem remotely healthy or helpful? Nope. It’s actually quite embarrassing. But, I’ve learned a bad day for the ego is a great day for the soul. 

So, as a human being who is striving to be better every day, take it from me, the ego is a time waster. And, now more than ever our city, our country and the nation requires and deserves all hands on deck. It ain’t about you! The world needs humble and collaborative spirits and in a battle with the ego, the person who loses wins.